It’s been 3 days since I haven’t moved from my bed, I can barely walk around, curled up as I move. It’s been a battlefield in my stomach lately. I came back from my trip to Mongolia almost a year ago, and still I haven’t had more than 3 months without any digestive problem. I must admit that I’m anxious. I fear what I’m going to eat before I even eat it. And this fear aggravates my problems. I try to make it through, but there comes another one.
I’ve been laying in my bed for 3 days, only because I took a swim in the sea of Brittany. Only a swim. Thankfully, with a good treatment, I’m felling better (I’m also slowly getting used to it)
But if I have to go to the doctor every time that I’m feeling sick, how am I supposed to make it once I’m in South America ?
Today, I’m feeling better, I recovered some of my strengh and the ability to think clearly again. I fear this new trip because I ended up the last one weakened, like a trauma, and I’m not totally up on my feet again yet.
“When you look right in front of you, you can’t go that far”. But what’s right in front of me ? What’s next ? And if I was wrong, and what if it was too soon ?
I don’t trust my body like I did last year. I know right now that a simple swim in the sea can send me straight to the bed for 3 days in a row (maybe more, though), I also know that the wrong food can also weaken me. I’m not bombproof. Was I ever ?
Of course, I’m getting used to get back up everytime that I fall, but the fall hurts sometimes, you still get some scars. It strenghens us, but it also affects us deeply. I don’t have all the answer yet, I have a slight clue but I still don’t know how to solve this problem.
And today, I’m kinda lost.
For my first trip, I choose South America but finally went to Mongolia. It was justified, and I never regretted that choice. I don’t want this trip to end sooner than expected because of my health, I don’t want to get back home sick, tired and lost. It would mean that I didn’t make it, I didn’t go to the end of the trip and I couldn’t see all this things I wanted to. I’ve had 3 dreams for a long time, South America, Island and Mongolia. Which one is next ?
Today, I’ve got people following and supporting me, but honestly, I don’t want to put my life at risk just to look like a strong person. If I’m going to leave soon, I need to trust myself, and my body.
Leaving today or in a year, what would be the difference for you ?